Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Oh wad a web of traps they lay for us.....

I wanted to do a serious post about the things that happened in my home last nite, the shouting the arguing, the saddness and the stress, instead I felt compelled to post a satire post to take my mind off things. A lil while ago, someone mentioned that I had standard answers for the most dreaded questions women ask us, which usually are impossible to answer or at least give a right answer.

So then I was thinking back then when I 1st met lil miss whiny I made the mistake of revealing to her these answers when we were toking to a group of almost all guys. Every now and then she still tries to get me with one of those 'there is no escape' questions. So here are the answers and the weight of each answer that we sometimes give. Try to keep your points up

Am I fat?

Ans 1 : What fats? (-1 point)
Ans 2 : I like 'bah bah'(meaty) gals (-1000 points)
Ans 3 : No lah, but you can lose some on the sides (-1000000 points)
Ans 4 : Dear look at that, bali is so cheap...blah blah blah (0 points)
Ans 5 : No (with no hesitation, 1 point)

Do you love me?

Ans 1 : Why do you ask?(-10 points)
Ans 2 : Errr......(-100 points)
Ans 3 : Yes dear (-1 point is you answer too quickly, 0 points if you pause for a bit, -1000 points if you take too long, -1000000 points if you were ogling at another gal when you pause)

Am I pretty?

Only Ans : Yes (any other answer will cause a meltdown here, esp if you add a 'but she is prettier')

Are you looking at another gal?

Ans 1 : I am admiring the woman as a form of art (-1000 points)
Ans 2 : I am thinking how skinny/tall she looks (-1000000 points, will lead to am i fat questions)
Ans 3 : She has nice*insert features here* (no need to give you the point scale here, you should be dead at this moment)
Ans 4 : What gal? (o points)

That gal is so pretty, do you think so?

Ans 1 : (she will say you got no taste, -1 point)
Ans 2 : okay...lah...yes (she will accuse you of looking at other gals, see qn above, -100 points, will also lead to am I pretty/prettier qns)
Ans 3 : What gal?(0 points)

If your *insert fav item/family member/friend here* and I fall into the sea whom will you save?

Sorry folks there is no right answer here, if she compares it with your mother and you say her, she will accuse you of not loving your mother(-10 points) if you choose otherwise she will say you dun love her (see do you love me qn) If its an item lets say your car, your ps2, your xbox, always say you will save her but still she will not beleive you(-1 point) but its better than nothing. If its a friend never say you would save that friend( you will die)

Lastly, for married couples

If I die will you re-marry?

He : No

She : why not? Dun you like being married?

He : Erm...then I guess I would....

She : (sadden) will you keep my picture on the dresser?

He : I guess it wun be appropriate

She : will she play golf with you?

He : I guess so....

She : will she use my golf clubs?

He : no....


He : Coz she is left handed......

Husband found dead the next morning with golf club entwined ard his neck