Monday, June 27, 2005

Good news, Bad news

Its true that no one wants to hear bad news or hurtful truths, but when we do hear them, do we snap off our rational stem and go into berserk mode and become a defensive self rightoues asshole? Well some ppl will and do, while at times like these I have learnt to let go of my hateful ways and come to terms with logical thinking.

Miss whiney blog about loosing her space to do her own thing, if I was 5 yrs younger(five years more irrational that is) I would have flown my top and blew up. But now I sat calmly in my chair thinking of the very 1st day we met and teh events that led to today. I must say that all this time most of her time has been with me and going with me to flying and doing things i want to do.

Someone used to tell me this, one day the very reason that made you love a person may well be the very reason for you to detest him. I wonder how much truth there is in that statement. Anyway back to lil miss whiny. I must say she is quite rite and in efforts for me to be able to keep my current family alive and by giving a lot of my money to them and my car I am left with virtually nothing, even to the point of having to eat cheap in NUS which says a lot.

I guess that this whole event has left me being only able to do one thing that I could do without spending much money anymore. I gave up watching movies weekly, I gave up eating things that cost more than 5 bucks per person, I gave up buying things on a whim. All for teh family that is now tearing itself apart. The worst thing is I dragged her along and now it is taking a tow on her.

This story feels all too familiar, like when I felt trapped a year ago and started to go out on my own and wanting to see more than wad was before me. But the situation now is different, and she has the right to feel this way as most of these family problems i have are my just that, my own family problems. She should not be dragged into them.

So comes the logical thinking, I guess it will be fair that she can freely go out with her friends when she wants to without taking my account into consideration, I mean she does deserve to be happy and to go out and have fun. I did not and would never want her to be trapped and now she feels that way.

Dun worry about me, meeting me less often will not mean that you want/love me less, it just means that you need your own space and I respect that, I too can use this space to catch up on the things I have not done for so long.

You dun have to bear all the things that befall on me
You do not have to shoulder the relentless emotional beating I am receiving
You do not have to claim responsibility of my finacial woes.

Dun worry I will be fine, I promise not to burden you so much as I can see it eating into your soul, into your bones. You should be having fun at this stage of life not worrying for me, your time of worrying, your time of trying, your own problems you went thru are over and you need to recover. You need to rest, let me shoulder my own fight now and not worry about me ok.

I hope you dun see this as me being angry, but me trying to do everything myself, as I see it, I shld be the one to see these things thru myself in the 1st place. We will still spend time, just less, thus you will get time to spend with your friends.